Free lesson
The welcome lesson
Why changing your behaviour is not enough, and how two people can say the same thing to someone they love for opposite reasons.
Enneagram courses for healthier relationships, by Kai Regardless
Heal your identity, and your relationships heal with it.
The patterns that run your life also run your relationships. You people-please, pull away, take control or shut down, and you only see why afterwards. Heal Your Identity uses the Enneagram to show you who you are underneath, so you can build relationships that are calmer, more honest and more loving.
3 days free, then R250 per month. Joining happens on Skool.
Start with the free welcome lesson
Two people can say the exact same sentence, one in a way that hurts the relationship and one in a way that heals it. The welcome lesson shows you the difference, and why it comes down to identity.
Watch it on SkoolSound familiar?
Trying hard in your relationships and ending up in the same place
- You say yes and then resent itYou give and give, then quietly feel used.
- You pull away when it mattersThe closer someone gets, the more you want to hide.
- You repeat the same relationship patternDifferent person, same argument.
- Your reactions surprise youYou snap, shut down or go quiet with the people you love, and only understand why later.
- You feel like you're performingPeople love the version of you they see, and you wonder if they would love the real one.
- You keep choosing the same kind of personOr becoming the same kind of partner, friend or child in every relationship.
None of this means you are bad at relationships. Your patterns come from your identity: the rules you learned early about how to be loved and stay safe. Change the behaviour without understanding the identity behind it and the same pattern finds its way back, usually with a new person.
What changes
From repeating old patterns to building healthy relationships
Before
- Having the same argument with different people
- Blaming yourself or the other person when it goes wrong
- Trying to be whoever others want you to be
- Reacting first and understanding later, after the damage
After
- Seeing the pattern you bring into every relationship
- Meeting your mistakes with understanding, then repairing
- Showing up as yourself, with clear boundaries
- Catching the pattern while it is happening, and choosing differently
How it works
Find your type, then work through your course
Find your type
Take the Heal Your Identity quiz to see which of the nine Enneagram types you are.
Join on Skool
Start the free trial and watch the welcome lesson in the Start Here section.
Open your course
Each type has its own course. Begin with Module 0, then move into Module 1.
What's inside
Everything you get when you join
Video course
A course for your type
Nine courses, one for each Enneagram type. Module 1 covers your inner critic, your boundaries, the message you learned as a child, your stress patterns and your self-worth.
PDF book
A short book for your type
A PDF self-help book for each of the nine types, short enough to read in one sitting and written to work on for longer.
Community
The Skool community
A place to ask questions and talk through what you notice about yourself and your relationships with people doing the same work.
Swipe or use the arrows to see all 4
1The Reformer
2The Helper
3The Achiever
4The Individualist
5The Investigator
6The Loyalist
7The Enthusiast
8The Challenger
9The Peacemaker
Join
Try it free for 3 days, then R250 a month
Heal Your Identity membership
R600R250per month
Starts with a 3-day free trial. Skool bills in US dollars (about $15), so your bank may show a different amount.
- All nine type courses
- The Start Here section and welcome lesson
- A short PDF book for each type
- The Heal Your Identity community on Skool
Set your expectations
What this is, and what it isn't
It isn't
- Therapy, couples counselling or medical care
- A label to put on yourself
- A quick fix
It is
- A structured way to understand the patterns you bring into relationships
- Practical lessons built around your type
- A place to work on it at your own pace
If you are struggling with your mental health, please speak to a qualified professional. This course sits alongside that support and does not replace it.
About the creator
Hi, I'm Kai
I make Heal Your Identity, a set of short videos and courses about the Enneagram and understanding yourself. You can find the videos on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube.
I built the courses around one idea: you change for real when you understand who you are, and healthier relationships follow from that, not from forcing yourself to act differently.
Questions
Before you join
I don't know my type yet. Can I still join?
Yes. Take the quiz to find your type, then open that course. The welcome lesson is useful whichever type you are.
How much does it cost?
R250 per month after your free trial. Skool bills in US dollars, about $15, so the amount on your statement can vary a little with the exchange rate.
How does the free trial work?
You get 3 days free. You start on Skool, look around, and your first payment only happens after the trial ends. You can see the exact terms on the Skool join page.
Do I need to know the Enneagram already?
No. The courses start from the basics and build from there.
Is this therapy?
No. It is a self-understanding course and does not replace therapy or medical care.
Which courses can I open?
All nine type courses are in the group, so you can start with your own type and then understand the people in your life.